• Can A Woman Be Too Independent?

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    If you’ve been near a radio anytime in the past year or so, you’ve probably noticed that there are a lot of songs about the I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T  (do you know what that means?) woman. You know the type: they say things like, “I bought my own clothes, got my own job, my own house, car, etc… and I don’t need a man to do this, that, or the other, thank you very much!”

    You can find them everywhere from the local high school (even though they probably still live with mom and dad) to your job, the universities, the church, the park, and probably even the nursing home! For as many single, independent women as there are out there, I often run across ladies who ask questions like, “Can a woman too independent?” or, “I’ve got all my stuff together, why aren’t any guys approaching me?”

    There’s a fine line between handling your business, doing your thing, getting yours and having the “I don’t need a man” mentality. When you say to yourself, “I don’t need a man” you’re allowing for the creation of a mindset that believes that there’s nothing any man could possibly add to your life. And, yes, while no man will complete you, the thought that they bring nothing to the table is simply not true.

    Whether you believe in a Creator or not, you can agree that men and women were made to be together. We don’t even have to get Biblical here — look at the equipment: it just fits together so perfectly. If men and women weren’t made to accompany one another, you’d have need for only one asexual type of human being running around, reproducing with themselves, and honestly, what fun would that be? Men and women are made to work with each other. Why else would we be so different?

    Now, ladies, when you’re on your own, not dating anyone, there is nothing wrong with doing what you need to for yourself. It’s understandable that you’re not waiting for a man to do things for you; why should you? However, if you let that attitude translate into “I don’t ever need a man’s help,” then men are more likely to see you as cold and unapproachable. And that’s definitely not the way you want to come off.

    Should that tendency continues once you’re in a relationship, you run the risk of the man feeling like he’s not wanted. They may not say this, because they probably don’t want to admit it to you, but it’s true. You have to allow the man to be the man. To open doors for you, help you with your coat, and pay for your meal. Yes, you can do it for yourself, but give him a chance to do it for you, for a change. Realize that a man being a man does not consist only of doing those standard chivalrous acts; it goes much further. Those acts are just some tangible example.

    If you don’t allow the man to be the man, He can begin to feel as if He’s not needed or wanted. And why would someone go where they’re not wanted? You may go where you’re not needed, but if you’re not wanted in a particular place, you’d be a fool to keep going back over and over again, right?

    I know it may take some getting used to, having a man open the doors, or pay for your meal (granted you can find a man who actually does those things). You didn’t learn to do those things on your own over night so don’t expect change to come immediately.

    Here’s something you have to understand about men: Men are instinctively providers. It’s in our very nature to want to protect and provide for our woman and our family. Even if she makes more than us, or has more from a material standpoint, we need to feel that we bring some value to the relationship.

    Is there anything wrong with being a successful, driven woman? Absolutely not. And ladies, you should never put your life or career on hold because of the fact a man feels lower than you. Yes, there are some men that find your achievements intimidating, but quite honestly, those men aren’t the ones for you, so stop tripping on them! If a man is truly interested in you, he won’t let your success, your friends (or his), your career or any other aspect of your life get in his way. He will go after what he wants at all costs.

    {For more from Stuart McDonald, check out his personal blog and follow him on Twitter}

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